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Thoughts Under Moonlight

I drove into moonlight the other night. It stared at me, all yellow and wide-eyed and muddy with shadows.

I guess I understand why the moon makes creatures wild, and why men turn to wolves in the folklore at the fall of the dusk. You remember how I talked about wanting to get out of here, in a sort of picturesque, untamed post? It coaxed that out of me.

I came home and wrote in my journal in the darkest ink I found. I was brimming with confidence, a smirk on my lips.

A full moon speaks to the power in people. It cradled my soul for a moment, then set me on my feet and patted my backside to have me scoot along and do what I please. It spoke to the electricity in me. It felt like I lost my mind. I almost kept driving.

I avoided the moon at first, thinking it probably best. And then I surrendered. Then I thought, “probably best to keep me away from scissors, saws, and fire.” If I had those things, and some courage, I probably would have cut my ties and burned my bridges. I probably would have kept driving.

I know there are people like me, but I haven’t met many, if any. I want to.

It’s like my body is a glass cage, and entrapped within it is my soul: a shape-shifter, riding its horns to the panes trying to break free, scratching its claws, nipping, crying, trying tirelessly to slip through the tiniest cracks. To no avail.

And this town is the zoo in which my glass case body resides. And people walk by and my soul sits in the corner, holding her fire close, just observing, planning here route.

But when the night is cold and dark and the crowd dissolves into themselves in bathroom mirrors and Lazyboy recliners and cell phones, losing themselves in mindless game shows and false pretenses of how life is “supposed” to be, she plans her escape.

She wants to leave everyone chasing their tails. She wants to set out on a lonesome adventure, seeking only the company of the moon and her daughters. And gypsy souls. She wants to find ones like herself. A company that won’t judge or accuse or falsely try to rectify.

In the days, when I’m occupied, I feel okay. Sometimes I even feel well.

But in the silence, when I’m listening to my thoughts, they tell me the same thing. And when my mind is quiet and my soul is speaking in that way she does, all humbly and gently and without dialogue, she wants the same. And my heart beats at the thought of it.

Most of me wants the same thing. My head, my heart, my soul – they agree.

But there’s something else inside me that is keeping me. I can’t tell if it’s poison, a fungus wrapped around me like netting, or a calling I’ve never heard.

In the long haul, I suppose, time will tell.

All we can do is our best, isn’t that right?

x

Photo by: unsplash-logoNoah Silliman

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3 thoughts on “Thoughts Under Moonlight”

  1. As an individual that travels along the path, I can relate to your words. The Moon does influence us all, some more than others, and like you said Full Moons have tremendous energy. And being the feminine luminary, spiritually tuned-in females are especially sensitive to its effects. As above, so below.
    Our calendar was built around the moon cycles. Farmers, hunters, gatherers, shamans, witches, priests, Kings; all have looked to the Moon for knowledge and answers.
    Another interesting point, the Moon is fully visible to our naked eye, so that any person regardless of astrological learnings can truly learn and know her essence. We can all watch and study her phases and use them to help make sense of what is happening in our own lives.
    I would be interested to know under which moon you wrote this, and then also to look at your astrological natal chart. You can PM me your birth info, if you are interested.
    It’s interesting to me that you assigned a gender to your soul, or perhaps that is just your way of identifying with it.
    I have found the soul to be a fusion of male and female energies, with each individual able to access and harness these energies in different ways.
    I am interested to read more of your thoughts and insights.
    Keep sharing, loving, and growing.

    Like

    1. I love that you mention how people, for centuries, have looked to the moon for insight. As if anyone could really disagree that we are connected to it… And, I suppose everyone has their certain attachments and energies, but the number of people who have told me they don’t feel anything when they look at the moon is very small. 

      As above, so below, indeed 🙂

      The night was of January 2nd, 2018. It was astonishing. 🙂

      I think some days I identify my soul as a she, but completely agree on the energies bit. I think that’s the best way I reflect my soul, is by embodying those energies so naturally as they come and go and blend. Do you feel the same?

      I would love to message you my birth info! Sounds interesting to me 🙂

      Like

      1. Excellent. I will send you a PM.
        I’d like to take a look at your astrological birth chart, and compare it to what was going on the night you were inspired to write this. I only need basic birth information. Full date, time and location.
        Also, I wish I were fortunate enough to know more people in my life who are aware of the influence of the luminaries. I know many who roll their eyes when I mention a moon phase or planetary conjunction. We all want so badly to believe that we are in complete control of this manifestation of life, that any mention of a higher power that may direct or guide us is seen as foolishness or dismissed as un-scientific.
        I appreciate your openness. Keep looking up. 🙂

        Like

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