I was there, that same place you are. A lot of us were, so I hope you can find solace in the fact that you aren’t as alone as you think.
We can empathize with you, as we have felt what you are feeling. Some of us still are. Some of us will forever, because toxicity has a way of pulling you in, and once you’re deep enough, well, some people never escape. Let us pray that won’t be you. I’m convinced it won’t.
Most of us, our bones still shiver when we’re asked what we were like at *enter age of worst years here*, or memories from then, or anything else.
But all of us can agree that you will get past it.
The long nights, sobbing, trying to stay quiet enough that you’re parents won’t wake will pass. The pain of knives in your back, the sting of rejections and the fact that there’s a party going on and you weren’t invited – it will all pass.
You, who lost all your friends, maybe you did a bad thing or because they did, are probably feeling like there’s something wrong with you, that it’s all your fault and that no one will ever want anything to do with you again. The strange and beautiful thing about the human condition is that everyone needs someone – and there’s someone out there who is looking for someone just like you.
You probably rememeber days on the rainy highway during your commute from class or work or little in between-happenings, when surprisingly a sad song comes on the radio just as you’re thinking how hard you’re being ignored and how no one notices but all you want to do is be heard. It fishes out tears from the deep of your soul, and reels them in over your cheeks.
Maybe you sob. Maybe you squint and wipe them away, or feel them tickle your cheek on their journey down. Maybe you purse your lips and clench your teeth and shake your head “no, not again.” Maybe you take a deep breath, or maybe you let it all loose. No matter how you do it or how you feel it, we’ve all been exactly where you are.
The days you felt awful, worthless, and like nobody was there, but put on a strong front to not seem weak.
There will come a day when you finally realize that this front is just that – a front. That will be a strong day for you, and an important one at that – for it will be the day you stop lying to yourself. Maybe it will be today.
And then you’ll take the steps to feel better. You’ll paint your toenails, or seek out new friendships, or choose a new hobby. When I’m feeling stressed, I turn on some of The Lumineers, put a face mask on, and take breath after breath.
And someday, maybe you’ll even learn that your emotions are too valuable to be suppressed. When you suppress how you’re feeling, you’re shooing it away without an effort to understand it – and when you don’t understand something is when fear can set it.
So I hope someday, you look within yourself and come out of the way you’re feeling the way some of us have – in your own unique, original type of way – and learn to seek understanding in how you feel so you can fix it and so you can stop being afraid to be all the human you are.
We’re all here for you, wherever you go. You are not alone, and you will make it through. Start now.
We love you.
-All The Girls Who Felt How You Feel